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If this is Monaco, where is my Ferrari?

November 2, 2006

Living on the Isle of Wight is like having a really classic sports car, you love it, you love it even when the roof has leaked any you have a wet bum while driving to work, however every now and then it breaks down and you just want to trade it in for, well anything really.

I can give you a good example, internet shopping and getting things delivered here. You would honestly think that the Isle of Wight was closer to Persia than Portsmouth sometimes. Sure we are blatantly held to ransom by the oligarchs of the sea, Wightlink and Redfunnel, but there are no special postal restrictions to send things here, occasionally we get classed in the ‘highlands and islands’ category and thats fine, but sometimes companies just refuse to send things here. Sainsbury’s for example when we bought a cooker online from them, even though we shop at Sainsbury’s in Newport they wont deliver. However the best one has to be Adobe, pure gold Adobe, pure Gold….

Ok, the story goes a little like this, I purchased my company purchased a copy of the full Adobe creative suite for me, Photoshop, Illustrator etc, at nearly a thousand pounds its not a cheap licence. Being an IT savvy guy geek and altogether disorganised sort of chap I opted for the download option, I downloaded all 5Gb of electronic joy and then spent the next three months creating some of the most mind blowing creative artwork the internet has ever seen, ok part of that was a lie.

It was all going so well something had to go wrong, and it did, it was my HDD. So a quick rebuild later (thank you box.net for saving all my ‘stuff’) and its time to log back into my trusty Adobe account and redownload my purchase, only its not that simple, is it Adobe.

See I also used to shop at Macromedia, now when Adobe bought Macromedia they merged the online account stuff, well I say merged, I really mean cocked up. Logging into Adobe now only shows my Macromedia purchases, gasp, where is my beloved Photoshop, you swines!

Now stay with me it gets a little weird here. I thought it would be a good idea to give someone a call about this, the Samaratans didn’t really care, 999 told me to call 101 and the Women’s Institute were more interested about recipes for Apple Turnover, I regained my senses and decided the Adobe ‘hot line’ was possibly my best port of call.

Now Adobe, I hope your listening, you call it a ‘hot line’, its really a sort of luke warm line possibly even kinda chilly line to be honest. Anyway, I did get through after a fashion and spoke to someone I think must have died in 1995, he was that happy, oh and was somewhere in Ireland, the land of happy people.

“Righo, sorry sir but you don’t have an Adobe account, you never did otherwise it would be showing up, which means that you didn’t buy the software from us.”

I email him the invoice.

“Oh thats from the old store, you cant download it anymore because there is a new store, you will have to purchase the software again from the new store, the new store is really good”

I unleash the hounds of hell, well Terry the cocker spaniel, hes blind in one eye.

“Righto sir, we can send you a copy through the post”

We are getting somewhere, get in, a copy through the post will do!

This was six weeks ago, since then nothing, until this morning! After a little bit of chasing, I get an email of such genius I am tempted to write it into my will, I want it on my tombstone.

Dear Mr. Dyer,

Thankyou for the email. We can not deliver to Isle of Wight.I can confirm this as it has been escalted.Because we dont provide downloads from the old store it is not possible for you just to download again.We can provide you with a free of charge order for the creative suite however all we need is alternative shipping adress which is on the british mainland.We are aware that there is no special postal restrictions for the isle of wight (I emailed them a copy of the Post Office guidelines) however there are vat and tax regulations which is why adobe can not deliver.If you could provideus with an alternative shipping adress as soon as possible that would be greatly appreciated.

Special Tax and VAT regulations! Its not Monaco you blithering ediots, anyway, I have rambled too much, time to do something proactive, like download Football Manager 2007.

From → Personal

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